My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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