my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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