i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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