sarcasm needs its own font
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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