I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
