youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
