Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
