I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
