I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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