Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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