I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
