she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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