Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
