i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
