I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
