he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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