At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
