Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
