Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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