No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
