I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
