I'm so fucking centered right now
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
