she was so not down for the gang bang
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize