On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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