Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
