sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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