We're facebook friends in real life
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
