i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
