My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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