Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
