Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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