that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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