im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We need to get me chipped asap
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
