College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize