i can't believe i had my finger in that
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
