i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
