i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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