If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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