someone get that fucking seahorse.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
