I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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