can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
