twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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