just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
