Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
