so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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