i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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