I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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