Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
