You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
