I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have aggressive nipples.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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