Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
