So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
