some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
