my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
