Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
