3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize