Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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