Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
