only if we run a train.
done.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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