we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
