i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
