the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE