have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant