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we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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