Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
