my vag is so smooth its legendary
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...