Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are we still banned from the library?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
50% drunk capacity currently
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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