OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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