that's an acceptable place to lick
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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