I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....