Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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