quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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