Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
