youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
