90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
