Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
