Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
