i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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