I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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