if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This house was built for laser tag.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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