According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So. Much. Porn.
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