i was born a porn star she said
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
