i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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